From the "Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition" File: This from United Press International: The Windsor Hills Baptist Church in Oklahoma canceled its plans to give away a semiautomatic assault rifle away at a weekend gathering of teenagers. The reason? One of the event's organizers could not make it. The good news: Windsor Hills will resume the contest next year and some lucky teenager will be the proud owner of a sleek little assault rifle. Bob Ross, the church's pastor, assured local news outlets that the church has no interest in "putting a weapon in the hand of somebody that doesn't respect it who are then going to go out and kill."That puts my mind at ease.
From the "So, what's the interest rate on your dog's credit card?" File: A Lhasa Apso dog belonging to a couple in Sacramento, California, recently received a $142.34 bill from Verizon Online, reports UPI. The dog's owners complained vociferously, insisting their dog did not have a Verizon account. Turns out there was a mix-up at Verizon's billing headquarters. The dog's name is Andy Fanelli. It just so happens there is an Andy Fanelli in some other part of the United States that owes Verizon $142.34. How did Verizon find the address of Andy Fanelli, the dog? Simple: Andy Fanelli's owners applied for -- and received -- an American Express charge card in their dog's name. One of Andy's owners admitted he take friends to lunch "from time to time... on Andy."My question to the owner is: Does Andy get a doggy bag?
Finally, from the "We Shall Overcome Someday" File: In Gallivare, Sweden, 64-year-old Karl Eric-Borg is launching a boycott against a local supermarket. Why? A cashier in the supermarket refused to sell Borg cigarettes because Borg did not have his identification card to prove he was over 18! In the spirit of the heroic Montgomery Bus Boycott of the 1950s, Borg has decided to boycott the supermarket for this terrible outrage. Borg issued this impassioned statement: "Seriously, if the cashiers can't tell the difference between an 18-year-old and a pensioner who has served in six U.N. battalions, it's enough to make you wonder if they can even tell the difference between a 500 kronor note ($83) and a 50 ($8)." There is a silver lining to this harrowing story. Borg happened to be with a female friend who had her ID and was able to purchase a pack of Marlboros for him. Also, the ordeal has produced another unexpected result. As Borg announced, "The whole episode has made me so angry that I've decided to quit smoking for good!"That's stickin' it to the man!
(Sources: United Press International wire service reports.)
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